Communicating Change

As I learn more about organizational change, from planning strategy to executing, the more I realize just how much of it entails changing behavior, from changing my own to influencing others. Hardly anyone likes to change of their own volition, so asking someone else to change their behavior is almost an affront. This is where the strategies and skills of Crucial Conversations comes in. We can plan for change using the Influencer Strategy and execute change using 4DX, but I feel having the skills to hold crucial conversations will be the most important part of implementing the innovation plan.

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Crucial Conversations is a behavior based approach that teaches how to have good dialogue by making it safe to have tough conversations. Before reading the book, I never realized how much of our behavior in difficult conversations is based on fear. Just talking about something that may seem benign at first can cause our fight or flight response to kick-in because we are afraid of being criticized or judged. I've realized just how much agency, and responsibility, we all have to create a safe space for dialogue. 

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Here is how we can use the skills and strategies from Crucial Conversations to help effect meaningful change in our school:

1. Get Unstuck – remember the goal. Continually remind ourselves of what we're trying to accomplish. What problem are we trying to solve or what issue are we trying to resolve? Don’t get side-tracked with needing to be right or trying to prove a point.

2. Start With the Heart – or get myself right first. Improve our own approach to dialogue first and maintain the right motives. The motive is not to win or punish, but to encourage the flow of meaning.

3. Learn to Look – monitor the conditions of the conversation, not just the content. Stay alert and recognize signs of stress, especially in ourselves. Be responsive rather than reactive. If we feel ourselves getting heated or anxious, we can take a step back, take a deep breath, and remind ourselves of the goal.

4. Make it Safe – make our intent clear. Conversations feel unsafe for people when they fear your intent, not the content. The conversation needs to start with mutual purpose and continue with mutual respect. When either of those have gone off-track, we should switch gears by stepping out of the conversation to make it safe again. We can ask ourselves if we're listening well and validating or being condescending, sarcastic, or defensive.

5. Master My Stories – check how we see others. Don’t interpret situations in harmful ways or make assumptions of why people are doing what they’re doing.

6. State My Path - speak with confidence and humility starting with the facts. The facts are the least controversial and the most persuasive. By starting with the facts and clearly stating our intent with the conversation, we are least likely to violate respect and kill dialogue.

7. Explore Others' Paths - remain curious and patient. When others get defensive or angry, we should break the cycle and not join their story. We need to ask what caused them to react or behave in that way? What story did they tell themselves? We may not reach our goal with that conversation, but We've re-established trust and built or repaired relationships.

8. Move to Action - dialogue is not decision making. We need to remember that having a dialogue and contributing to the pool of meaning does not mean we are going to agree on how a decision is made and what action will be taken. There will always be decisions we do not have the authority to make. The actions that are taken must be in the best interest of those involved and meet the goal, not what one individual thinks should be done.